October is National Bullying Prevention Awareness Month. In some ways I think it is rather sad that we have to set aside a month just to say, “Bullying is wrong; don’t do it.”  Don’t most of us want our kids and grandkids to grow up in a safe, nonthreatening environment?  Perhaps some of you have been the victims of bullying.  Or, perhaps, you may have even bullied someone else yourself. 

What is Bullying?

When we think of bullying, we think of someone trying to gain power over another person in some sort of intentional and  repeated aggressive behavior. That behavior can take many forms.  Certainly, it can be physical.  Hitting, slapping, punching, even spitting and pinching can all be forms of physical bullying.  This type of bullying is typically the easiest to spot and confirm.

However, verbal bullying can often times be just as damaging as physical bullying, especially emotionally.  Engaging in name-calling, teasing or harassment are all forms of bullying.  Has your child been called a disrespectful name, been tagged with a racial slur?  That’s verbal bullying or, at its worse, abuse. 

Social bullying, especially with our school-age children, is one of the most difficult students, parents and teachers have to deal with. How do you prevent children from being left out of the game or not invited to “the party?”  What happens to the child who repeatedly sits alone in the cafeteria because no one wants to be his friend?  How about when the circle of friendship on the playground excludes a child who doesn’t wear the right style or label?  By and large, social bullying was the most critical type of meanness I had to deal with as a middle school teacher.  And the girls were just as likely, maybe even more so than boys, to be the social bullies who created the most drama.

Lastly, more and more, kids are victims of cyberbullying. While it’s not likely that your preschooler has encountered this issue yet, your other school-age children may have.  The internet, mobile phones or other electronic communication devices are readily available to kids everywhere and many are using these to harm others.

5 Tips to Help Prevent Bullying

So what are we to do? I believe there are 5 primary tips that parents, grandparents and teachers need to be aware of to help prevent bullying.

1.  The first step is communication. Talk with your child about what bullying is and what it isn’t. Children need to be taught how to react appropriately in bullying situations. They also need to be aware when their own behavior verges on bullying as well. Talk with your child about what’s going on in daycare, school or after-school activities. While kids are not always willing to open up freely about what’s going on in their lives, simply asking about their days, school events, etc. will often provide insight into any possible problems that they may be having. They also need to know that it isn’t their fault that bullying is occurring.

2.  Secondly, work with your child on conflict management. Not all problems can be resolved and certainly not by parents or teachers, but most times they can be managed

 One of the best programs I was involved with as a teacher was one in which students were trained to be conflict managers. Not only did they learn the signs of potential conflict, they learned skills on how to prevent or solve those issues. Learning how to handle conflict is a skill that will be valuable to them throughout their lives.

I, for one, do not feel that conflict management involves physical rebuttal. Now don’t get me wrong, nobody deserves to be someone else’s punching bag.  But I don’t feel that physical retaliation has ever resulted in much good.  Sometimes the higher road is just to walk away.

Students and parents also need to be encouraged to trust teachers and to let those teachers and administrators know when they are victims of bullying or harassment. I never worked with a teacher who was unwilling to mediate when students felt intimidated or otherwise uncomfortable due to the behavior of other students.

3.  Be aware of the signs that your child may be being bullied. Has there been a change in behavior, a drop in grades or even depression? Are there unexplained bruises or injuries? Does your child balk at going to activities or fear attending school? Does he complain of frequent headaches or stomachaches? Is she having frequent nightmares or having trouble sleeping?On the other hand, is your child getting into frequent trouble at school or obsess over being part of the group? Is she argumentative and aggressive at home with pets or siblings? These may be signs that your child is a bully herself.

4.   What about their choice of friends? If a friend seems to be a bad influence, that’s your immediate clue to find a more positive influence for your child. Don’t even think twice about this one. Trust me. 

 5.  Adopt positive/healthy activities and hobbies. Not everyone needs to be a Boy Scout or a 4-H member, but there are quality programs and activities available for practically any interest your child may have. I love the idea of the Nerdies program now being offered at the U of A in Fayetteville. The kids who are participating are having such a grand time that being a “Nerdie” is really cool.  Helping your child learn to be confident in his or her abilities and self is a goal every parent should have.

Research has shown that 60 % of children identified as bullies in elementary school had at least one criminal conviction by the age of 24. Obviously, those being bullied are not the only victims of bullying.  The long-term effects are detrimental to all involved.

It’s time that it stopped, but it takes more than just saying “stop.” It takes knowledgeable adults who are willing to be good role models for their children, grandchildren and students.  It takes a willingness to communicate with one another, with our schools and with our communities.  It takes someone being willing to stand up for those being victimized and to find a positive resolution to the conflict.

I wonder. Are you willing to be that person who will offer a better beginning for our kids?

  Disclosure: I am a Better Beginnings ambassador. I receive compensation to write an article for them once a month.  The best thing is that I get to share with you great information about how children learn and how to encourage them in their learning.   All thoughts and opinions are my own based upon my experiences as a 30-year teacher and as a parent and grandparent.   The mission of  Better Beginnings is quality early education for all.  I firmly believe in that.

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